This is what my pain looks like it’s been barely able to function..

I sit on the side of the bed wondering how much I can do today. I will myself to move, my motivation is not for myself but for the child who refuses to wake her mum up she wants me every morning..

I wonder is she a demon sent to punish me or an angel gently giving me a reason to exist, to move, to care about someone more than myself.. I would love to stay in bed hid under the fluffy duvet, still as a tree rooted to the spot.
But for now I have to move the child demands it.. It has become our routine.

Something as simple as manoeuvring out of the bedroom is a challenge I have to gather everything I’m going to need, I often forget things especially my glasses, so it’s a climb over the fluffy mountains of bedlam in the dark..

The bathroom is some sanctuary I’ll sit and contemplate my next moves for an extended length of time.. Will I be able to brush my hair? Can I stay here any longer.. My arms and legs feel heavy like I’m trying to move too fast underwater. Every strand of my hair feels like it’s being ripped out from the root and my scalp is on fire.. Yes let’s not do that.. A light brushing will have to do for today.

Next the child’s room.. Open the curtains make the tiny bed bending over to make the tiny bed is excruciating when all your muscles are screaming at you and your joints feel like they are going to explode..

What’s next oh yes the dressing of the child that simple thing you can’t even face doing for yourself, as the pain is not worth the effort never mind the clothes brushing on my skin like every nerve ending is sending pain signals to my brain from the slightest touch.. So I shall stay half naked unrestricted in my soft velour short set.

OK bed made child dressed lamps unplugged room tidy.. Time to shout the mother I take a deep breath and inform her its time to rise.. She suffers the same problems as me but is yet to articulate them with any sense.

The slow decent of the never ending stairs scared of every foot fall my body is so heavy now more aches and pains appearing, I can feel the tension in my shoulders, I just want to lay down an relax in the hope it will disperse..

Rushing now to get breakfast made so I can sit down, it feels like a long time since I woke, my eyes are hurting its hard to keep them open I’m seeing black floating spots in my peripheral vision now how strange.
Finally I sit down but I can’t have the morning medicine(coffee) yet I have to wait 30 mins before I can drink the morning coffee stupid levothyroxine…
Oh but wait I have to get up again every joint is sore this is a nightmare living with pain, I slowly ease myself up and prepare to walk.. Yes prepare its as if my legs are refusing to move, after a moments negotiation and some slow progress I flip the TV on for the child let the cat out and think I’ll just make coffee now save myself from going through this process again in 15 mins oh and open the window so the cat can come back in herself…

Finally I can just sit, now my neck is feeling the tension my head is growing heavy its too heavy to hold up.. After a few minutes even sitting becomes uncomfortable…

Now its time to say good morning to my friends and family a little regime I’ve started this year to give me a positive boost on a morning and let them know I’m thinking about them every day and sharing the love.. We all need it sometime I even get conversations which is a great distraction from how I’m feeling I try to stay positive and make jokes out of situations they really don’t know how much I need them..or how I really feel..

Need more coffee, so an hour has passed the mother has finally appeared hooray…
Now I can journey back to my bedroom my comfort zone.
Literally crawling upstairs with stomach ache now too..
I’ll sit a while in my rocking chair self soothing looking out the window at the glorious sunshine, but it’s not long before the child is looking for me to empart her 4 year old wisdom upon me. So its time to play with the cauldron her aunt bought her.. Oh the noise hurts my ears, when I’m like this I just want the world to stop be quiet and don’t touch me.

It’s 11.30 and I’m just getting someone to do something for me.. That’s nice… The noise in my head is deafening my arms ache a little more.. If that’s possible… From typing.. The child is singing “let it go” in another room and soon arrives to ask for my help… I’m not moving untill I climb into my bed.. Now my arms gone dead great so I’m going now. The lovely Jason has provided toast and coffee, a simple task that I cannot accomplish today.
Have a beautiful day and always make some one smile you have no idea what they maybe facing today. X